Clarkson dropped from BBC: Reaction and latest

Breaking news as Jeremy Clarkson has been told by the BBC that they will not be renewing his contract.

The former Top Gear presenter has been in limbo for two weeks after news emerged that he had been suspended from the BBC after a fight with a colleague about his steak being undercooked.

The BBC announced yesterday that they would be making a decision today.

Clarkson tweeted earlier that he "hadn't heard a thing" but speculators feel that this is because he he was in contract negotiations with Sky.  Clarkson later admitted that this was correct but it was because he was having difficulty deciding whether to add the movies package along with an extra set top box as he recently changed his provider from Virgin.

It is thought that Clarkson has not taken to the news well.

His wife said she "made sure that both the fridge and freezer were well stocked" in preparation for the statement.

She also stated that she is "taking the kids with her to stay at her mothers for a few days and has left the family pets with friends."

Police have also made a 500 yard exclusion zone around the Clarkson estate.

Meanwhile David Cameron's children are on suicide watch.

More to follow

Politician tells the truth as people can't quite believe it.

People are said to have reacted in shock as a politician tells the voters what he really thinks and what he plans to do.

The move by the politician who can't be named as we're not sure if he's been hypnotised or not was speaking to the BBC as part of their special piece on the major party leaders "Politicians are human too" ahead of the general election in May.

The report then lead to 15 minutes of discussion about why he's decided to tell the truth as speculators couldn't quite get to the bottom of it.

Some say that as his with was in the room when he was talking perhaps he finds it hard to lie when she is around, others say that the pressure just got to him.

Gary Butcher from Spalding said "I couldn't quite believe it when I heard, was it real?  There he was, I could see it was him, the words were his but he was honest, I almost fell over except I was already sitting down."

A member of the opposition who also can't be named, we're not a party election broadcast, said "It's a arrogant move by an arrogant man, he is trying to put it in the minds of the people that he has already won the elections d therefore making them seem like they're the only party to vote for"

Tories are big, lovable and cuddly say voters as chancellor delivers budget

British voters have come out in support of the Conservative party after the chancellor, George Osborne, known as Gideon to his friends, delivered his budget on Wednesday.

The 2015 budget is a "friendly" budget coming less than two months before a General Election.

Margaret Neilson from Cheshire said "I can't believe it, they've finally seen the light, they've actually started to meet some of their promises.

The budget sees help for everyone, money for homeowners, people who rent, married couples, single people, the old, the young, everybody.

Osborne even promised to punish the bankers making them pay back every single penny of the money they stole, along with the silver they took from the kitchens.

Osborne celebrated his budget by turning up in Tottenham, one of the poorest areas in London to help hand out supplies at a food bank.

Tony Pool, who has worked at the food bank for a number of years said "It was really nice to see George, I couldn't believe it when he turned up, that man has been so much the figure of hatred and disdain over the years and then here he is.  With his appearance and yesterday's helpful budget the cynic in me can't help but think he might be after something but I just can't think what that might be.

After visiting the food bank Osborne visited a soup kitchen where he again helped serve the people, for the first time in five years, and towards the end of the night he picked up his guitar and started playing some tunes and they had a sing-along.

While he was singing the popular song 'Every Breath You Take' Charlotte Castledine said "This is fantastic, he had presents for the kids and everything, I didn't even realise what a super sweet guy he is, I never thought I'd be saying that.

After everyone had gone home and Osborne helped clean up he said "It's nice to give something back to the British people for a change, all we've done over the past five years is take so I wanted to do this for votes, sorry I mean the British people. I begged DC (David Cameron) to let me out tonight so I could come down here and fortunately he allowed it.

BBC waiting on public opinion before making Clarkson decision.

A leak within the BBC has let it slip that they're waiting on public opinion on what to do with Jeremy Clarkson before making a "knee-jerk reaction".

Clarkson is currently suspended from the BBC after falling out with a producer about which flavour caviar is better.  Since last Tuesday he has been told he is not allowed to even watch any of their TV channels or listen to any of their radio stations.

But now a insider at the broadcaster said "the thing is we're always in trouble because we don't punish the bad apples within our organisation in the appropriate way, it's either too much or not enough.

The unnamed employee was thought to be drunk whilst as he made the remarks quite loudly in a bar in Central London.

He went on "We're waiting to see how much hate mail we receive while he's on suspension, we'll probably let him back in to be honest, he is very popular.

Busiest day for genealogy say experts as people attempt to find any tenuous link to being Irish

The 17th of March is a day of drinking and merrymaking for many wearing green clothing and four-leaf clovers but it is also said to be a day of head scratching and deciphering hand writing, say genealogy experts.

The sensational claims are made as it is the day when a lot of people try to link themselves in some way to the Emerald Isle just so they can celebrate "being Irish".

The day dates back to the time of St Patrick who celebrated his birthday on this day.  Known as Paddy to his friends the Irish Saint is thought to have invented the popular Irish drink Guinness a really long time ago.

However people that don't get to celebrate it as they are not Irish will go to extraordinary lengths to prove that their great great grandfathers uncle married a servant girl who served an Irish family, therefore allowing them to call themselves "Oirish".

Genealogy expert Teresa Plait said "This is the day when most people will visit our site, email or call us giving the names of their ancestors and ask for 'any Irish links'.

However historian Graeme Beatle said "St Patrick wasn't even Irish himself, he was born in England so it seems to be the perfect day to celebrate being a plastic paddy".

Outrage as D&G announce they will now use "real babies" for their clothes.

Fashion giant Dolce and Gabanna have caused outrage as they announced today that  they will now use real babies, as made by a man and a woman, rather than synthetic babies for their clothes. 

The popular fashion designers were speaking in an interview with an Italian fashion magazine said "Nobody likes fakes and that's what synthetic is, we'll make our clothes out of real babies not fake ones.

The fashion giants earlier upset Elton and David Furnish-John by not making a frock our of their "synthetic" child. 

Former synthetic singer Victoria 'Posh Spice' Beckham, now doing something in fashion, jumped on the bandwagon to launch a new range of real tortoise hats instead of the much frowned upon synthetic tortoise hats.

The former Spice Girl said "Who cares about tortoises, it's not like they're endangered. Fake tortoises wouldn't look good.

Elton John said "It seems we've learned nothing from the 'Fur is Murder' campaign.  Dolce and Gabanna are wrong to put fashion ahead of real babies.

James something and the other one beg Clarkson not to go

Jeremy Clarkson's Top Gear co-hosts, a man called James something and another guy whose name no-one else can remember have begged their controversial colleague not to leave the BBC show.

Clarkson, who is currently suspended from the BBC for a disagreement with a colleague who ate his last Rolo, has spoken about leaving the BBC.

If Clarkson were to go it would leave his colleagues in a sort of limbo until a suitable replacement was found.  Some say that the James bloke or the other guy could replace Clarkson themselves but this has been ruled out as neither are famous enough.

Clarkson hand picked the pair himself after finding them in a children's home on a visit as part of his humanitarian work, he adopted them and trained them up before the BBC gave them both a job on the show as, according to a BBC source, when Clarkson asked for them to be given a job "he looked angry".

We tried to get a quote from them but as they were never asked for quotes their agent stopped representing them and we couldn't look them up in the phone book as we don't know their names.

Brits left confused over Pi Day

The people of Britain have been left confused over an American phenomenon known as 'Pi Day'.

The phenomenon comes about because on March the 14th '15 at 9:26:53 the date followed by the time is the exact calculation of Pi to ten decimal places.

However, that is in the American format of the date, where they place the month before the day, so in the UK the date 14/03/15 will be 3/14/15 in the US and with the correct time the calculation of Pi can be read out for a second.

But Brits have reacted in outrage, Nicole Southern said "It's those yanks again, isn't it, getting it wrong, they used to be a British Colony, did we treat them so bad that they have to do everything different from us, they're like a disgruntled teenager."

The 14th of March is a day that usually sends scientists and mathematicians into uproar as it is also Albert Einstein's birthday but with it also be Pi Day it is thought it could send them into overload, possibly giving them an orgasm, many of them for the first time.

Brian Gibbs, a Farmer from the Cotswolds said "Yeah, it's a bit silly the way they do things in America but it doesn't bother me, we'll just celebrate it on the 31st of April instead.

Comic Relief should have released a golden watch that's also a phone in order to reach £1 billion quicker

Comic Relief, the BBC's comedy fund raising event, now in it's 30th year, has come into criticism after taking 30 years to reach £1billion raised for charity.

Last night's charity event raised £80million and counting.  These funds added to previous years now total to over £1billion.  Although it's been commended that any amount is a positive amount it has been criticised as taking "too long".

Richard Grey, a fan of the event said "I watch it every year and I make sure I get my friends and colleagues involved, we donate and have great fun but I can't help but think they could have reached that amount quicker if the had a product people could buy, maybe a watch that's also a phone, or something.

Clarkson: BBC hardest place to be fired from, I've tried everything.

Jeremy Clarkson has admitted that the BBC is the hardest place to get fired from.  The outspoken Top Gear presenter made the comment to some journalists camped outside his house whilst on his way out to the shops to buy some steak.

Clarkson said "I don't want to just walk away, I want them to fire me, that way I'll get a huge payout."

Clarkson is currently suspended from the BBC after a heated confrontation with a colleague about who got the last packet of Jelly Babies in the vending machine turned ugly, but Clarkson admitted controversy has followed him throughout his career.

He said "I slagged off some public workers while on the One Show, made a racist remark but they cut it, we went to Argentina and drove around with offensive number plates and I thought that last one would be it but alas not.  I've tried to be the biggest homophobic, fascist, misogynistic, male chauvinistic pig I could be but they're not interested at the BEEB, I just keep getting more and more popular.

However it is thought that this may be Clarkson's last chance as his contract expires at the end of this month.  Clarkson said "Now I'm just doing it out of spite, I did want those Jelly Babies but I could have just let the child who works for one of the kids TV programmes have them.  I knew I only had two episodes left so I thought i could do this, get suspended and have a few weeks off on full pay.  Then it's easy for the BBC because they just don't even need to make a decision, just don't renew my contract.

As Clarkson walked away to catch the bus he said "and now I have more time to devote to my humanitarian work, I'm thinking about going to countries where they don't give women the vote to campaign for them to do so and then I'm going to work with some anti-racism campaigns to help increase their profile.

Child not allowed to appear on Comic Relief for hitting producer

A child who was due to appear on this evenings Comic Relief has been told that he is no longer invited to take part on the show because he hit a producer.

The boy, who has to remain nameless for legal reasons, was told early yesterday evening that he is no longer invited on to the show be on the show "because of scenes of violence that can not be encouraged"

It is believed that the child, who has Tourettes is said to be "very upset".

It has been put forward that the child's condition could be the reason for the "assault". Because of his disability his movement becomes affected, he often has sudden movements and swings his arms out unexpectedly and although it has been argued that this is not an act of aggression BBC management have decided to take the harsh decision to not allow him onto the show.

A BBC spokesman said "It may be seen as being too strict but we felt we had to take this course of action, we couldn't allow this to be allowed to happen so we set out a precedent to all that we take a no tolerance approach to acts of violence.

Kids stopped by police for pretending to ride motorbikes on pavement

Two young boys both aged eight were stopped by police yesterday for the seemingly harmless game of pretending to ride motorcycles on the pavement.

PC Dave Barter from New Haven said "riding motorbikes on the pavement is dangerous and I just reminded them of that.  I know it's just a harmless game riding pretend bikes, that's just for now, how long until they're riding real motorbikes?  I just reminded them that it is unsafe to ride motorbikes on the pavement.

The father of one of the boys Nick Kent said "It's unbelievable really, it's health and safety gone mad, what does he want them to do, play in the road where it's safer for everyone?

Man wins landmark case which means he'll get kiss from girl 23 years after winning a game of spin the bottle

A man from Doncaster has won a landmark court case meaning that he will receive a kiss from a girl after winning the right to the kiss in a game of spin the bottle... 23 years after the event.

Neil Dorkings a 39 year old electrician  spoke outside the court saying "I'm absolutely made up, we were playing the game at a mutual friends birthday party, I span the bottle and it landed on her.  I don't think anything of her at the time but I recently added her as a friend on Facebook and wow, has she come of age.

The ruling is thought to lead to an unprecedented number of "debts" being settled years after they were won and left unclaimed.

People betting on things like Mouse Trap and Monopoly for marbles, sweets and the loser getting a punch in the arm are now thought to soon be settled.

The girl in question wishes to remain anonymous said "I'm disgusted, the game ended 23 years ago, the rules are that once you leave the circle that's it but the judge saw it otherwise.

Judge Brian Morestan QC has over 15 years experience said "nowhere in the rules does it stipulate that the kiss expires after a period of time.  If she didn't want to get involved she shouldn't have played the game, she did, she lost and now it's time to pay, it's as simple as that.

David Cameron to review TV shows after giving opinion of Top Gear

David Cameron is to have his own brand new weekly TV show, 'Cameron Reviews' where he'll review various TV programmes, after giving his opinions on Top Gear in the wake of the Jeremy Clarkson fallout.

In an interview with the BBC Cameron said "he (Clarkson) is a huge talent and he amuses and entertains so many people, including my children, who'd be heartbroken if Top Gear was taken off air, I hope this can be sorted out, because it's a great programme and he's a great talent."

TV producers were so impressed with Cameron's summing up of Top Gear that they decided to offer him a weekly TV show that will air on BBC Two on Sunday evenings at eight o'clock.

App Store crashes as millions of people can't download stuff they don't understand

Apple's App Store crashed yesterday meaning millions of people couldn't download complicated and often expensive apps that look pretty but are difficult to use.

Mike McCowen, a used car salesman from Bristol said "It was a nightmare, actually, I like looking through all the apps and downloading the ones I like the look of, whether I know how to use them or not, sometimes I just delete them after a couple of days anyway but it's still annoying.

Karen Webber, a student from Manchester said "I love downloading apps, I see what they are and what they can do later but when I first see them, I want them.  Even if I don't know how to use them, I don't care.  I could learn of course but that's too difficult , I just like pretending I can use them.

The professionally offended in two minds about signing Clarkson petition

The professionally offended, people that get offended at every joke even if it's not aimed at them, are in two minds about signing a petition that defends Jeremy Clarkson, a man they would normally sign a petition campaigning to against.

Clarkson was suspended by the BBC on Tuesday after it emerged that he had punched a producer over the lack of vol a vons in his dressing room, a public outcry and eventually a petition ensued.

However it turns out that people that don't have enough time on their hands that would usually sign a petition are now unsure whether to do so.

Emily Stapleton, a middle class house wife from Chiswick said "I love petitions, I see stuff that's not right and I feel I have to get involved.  However now I'm not so sure. Clarkson is a vile man, in fact I'm pretty sure I've signed a petition for him to be fired before.  I haven't checked the spreadsheet I use to keep up to date with what I've signed and what I haven't but it does ring a bell"

Giles Holmes, a retired business man from Epsom said "I'd sign something if I heard about someone doing something on a TV show that I didn't watch, that's normally what Clarkson does, makes some remark on the One Show or some such tat and then someone would start a petition but this is Clarkson, can I support him?  In the end the urge to show my disgust might be too great, whether I agree with the cause or not."

Conspiracy theorists admit "everything could be as it seems"

The people behind circulating the worlds biggest conspiracy theories admit that it could be all made up.

The admission comes after a radio interview with one of the worlds leading conspiracy theorists, Joe Talbot who told the U.S. station Informed News that there is a 25% chance that all the theories about aliens, JFK and the Illuminati could be false.

When asked is there any doubt in his mind Talbot said "I suppose that there is a 25% chance it might be false, but they're not, there's too much evidence, clearly there is something going on"

He continued "After Roswell it took the U.S. Government three days to make a statement, eventually saying it was a weather balloon, previously they denied there was any incident.  Why not just say it was a weather balloon in the first place?"

Other conspiracy theory experts have also admitted that their claims could be false, Charles Labbott, a landscape gardener from Wrexham who is also a Titanic conspiracy theorist said "yeah, it could all be false, I think the White Star Line lied about the Titanic  sinking for the insurance, they sunk another ship instead, that's what I believe.  Although I must admit I could be wrong"

Jeremy Clarkson forgets to release book before getting into trouble.

Jeremy Clarkson has admitted he made the monumental fatal error of forgetting to release a book before getting suspended from the BBC for a "fracas" with a producer.

The Top Gear presenter is often in the media for his controversial actions and opinions but these usually happen to coincide with a book release or sometimes a DVD, just by chance.

However, Clarkson admitted that on this occasion he "forget" to send the manuscript to his publisher.

He said "Normally I just write it and send it off to the publisher, I don't hear anything for months as they like to tone down the racist, sexist and homophobic stuff, which doesn't bother me and then after a couple of months they ring me to ask me to attend some book signings"

Last year Clarkson was in trouble for saying the N word, usually used in a derogatory way to describe black people, in a previously unseen video from 2011.

He went on "But this time I rang them as soon as I got suspended from the BBC and asked when the first book signing was, there was a slight pause, a bit of mumbling and then the guy told me that he hadn't received the manuscript"

Clarkson finished by letting slip why he was suspended from the BBC "it's a bit embarrassing really, now I've been suspended for nothing, I just wanted the publicity for my new book, I didn't even mean to hit the producer, she was the nearest thing to me".